Marvel Rap Battles
by aaronp6500
Summary: It's exactly what it sounds like. Marvel characters across the world engage in various rap battles to come out on top as the champion! See who can spit the heaviest verse right here! *Viewer discretion is advised. Contains profanity and other content that may be inappropriate for a less mature audience* Also, submissions are more than welcome!
1. Volume 1

**Marvel Rap Battles**

"Alright, mofoes, quiet ya asses down," Nick Fury called in the middle of the stage. The other superheroes were all mingling amongst themselves, ready for the battle to start. "Now for our first match, we got Tony Stark in the building!"

The crowd applauds and roots for the man in his Iron Man suit.

"Or better known as Iron Man!" Fury goes on. The crowd cheers even louder. "Goin' up against the one and only Captain America!"

The crowd cheers for the captain, who salutes to the crowd.

"Hey, Coulson! Drop us a heavy beat!" Fury calls.

Coulson, the DJ, starts the beat. Fury mutters to Maria Hill next to him.

"He is about to get obliterated," he gestures to Captain America.

The match starts with Iron Man, giving his little introduction.

"You know, Cap, we go way back. We've been through a lot together, saving the world and all, but tonight, forget all of that.

Tonight is different. Tonight you're gonna forget I even was your friend! Let's do this!"

The captain swallowed his throat a little.

_Iron Man:_

_Ay yo, Steve - Rogers is ya name_

_Wit a name like dat no wonder you ain't got no game_

_Fresh outta the 40s wit dat white boy vanity_

_Annoyin' as f**k, you drive the people to insanity_

_I understand, you miss ya old life_

_You bitch and moan over your was-to-be-wife_

_Oh that's right, Peggy was her name_

_Sound nasty as f**k_

_God I swear your f**king lam_e

The crowd screams at Iron Man's verse. Captain America was getting tense. He wasn't the best at this kind of thing, but he wasn't about to punk out.

"Alright, people, that was the first round!" Fury announced. "Here comes round two! Gon' and hand it to 'em, captain!"

Fury goes back and mutters to Maria again. "I swear, this white boy gon' lose!"

Captain America starts his introduction.

"Nice one, Tony. You always did have a way with words. No homo, if I might add. But since you wanna start rippin' on my girl, well, I guess I'm gonna have to return the favor."

Tony had a worried look on his face.

_Captain America:_

_Now Tony, you know better than that_

_Talkin' 'bout my woman - I ain't even down wit that_

_But back in my day we had Marilyn Monroe_

_Who's that ugly bitch you're sleeping with - Gwenyth Paltrow?_

_I forgot this was fanfiction_

_Can't use real actors_

_But really, look at her_

_Bitch look like a f**kin raptor!_

_Cinnamon was a girl that you thought was much better_

_Kicked ya ass to the curb, so you settled for f**kin Pepper!_

The crowd, and even Fury goes insane. They were all surprised by the captain's sudden comeback. None of them knew he had that in him, neither did he.

"Alright, alright, that shit right there was intense!" Fury spoke again. "I thought somebody was about to get they ass whooped! But anyway, we have decided the winner. Everybody give it up for Captain Motha***king America!"

The crowd loses their minds and roots for Captain America. Iron Man obviously looks mad and defeated. No one's ever beaten him in a rap battle before, and it was more than embarrassing that he lost to him, of all people.


	2. Volume 2

**Volume 2**

"Alright, alright, pipe the f**k down everybody," Nick Fury shouted through the microphone. Everyone stopped mingling and turned their attention to him.

"Now we got some special guests up in here tonight, and they about to show us how the game is done. Let's start by introducing my man here, the God of Thunder, Thor!"

The crowd cheers for Thor, and he raises his hammer high.

"And going up against him is my man with real bad anger issues, Dr. Bruce Banner, a.k.a. the Hulk!"

The crowd cheers as Bruce Banner starts transforming into his monstrous green alter ego.

"Yo, Coulson, hit it, my man!" Fury called. Coulson dropped the beat as usual.

Thor started with his introduction.

"Brother Banner, you know that I have full respect for you and everything you stand for, especially after having been honored to fight alongside you on the battlefield. But you and I know that tonight is without honor. So without further ado, prepare for your big green ass to meet the wrath of the mighty power of Mjolnir!"

Hulk didn't give a shit. He was up for it.

_Thor:_

_Yo, Hulk, you're so f**king ugly_

_Spent ya whole life wonderin', "Who's gon' ever love me?"_

_Nobody, bitch, that's who - except ya f**kin' science_

_Ya game so low you ripped off the Green Giant!_

_Don't say I'm lyin'_

_And you betta not be tryin'_

_Someone please get some tissue 'fore this bitch start cryin'_

_Please don't - gon' and leave us all alone_

_You so ugly, man you even turned Medusa into stone_

The crowd goes insane. Hulk isn't fazed one bit by Thor's verse.

"Alright, people, now it's time for round 2," Fury announces. "Ay, Hulk, smash this mothu**ka!"

Hulk begins his intro.

"Hulk admit, Thor spit nice verse," says Hulk in his grungy tone. "But Hulk get stronger when angry, and you just made me angry!"

Thor didn't find this intimidating at all. But he was all ears.

_Hulk:_

_Hey, Thor, you look like a f**kin' door_

_'Cause you only got one knob to show off ya decor_

_Without ya f**kin' hammer you look like Darren Criss_

_Why don't you do yourself a favor and die in a f**kin' ditch, bitch!_

_What's wit yo hair?_

_Got all them damn curls_

_No wonder why they turned yo ugly ass into a girl_

_I can't lift ya hammer, but I do pick up the ladies_

_Gon' and call up Heimdall while I ride in my Mercedes!_

The crowd goes even wilder with Hulk's verse than with Thor's. Thor tried not to look defeated, but he sure felt like he got his ass handed to him.

"We have decided who the winner is!" Fury announces. "And the winner is my man Hulk!"

Hulk raises his fist and roars victoriously. The crowd cheers and roots for the giant, while Thor folds his arms shamefully in defeat.

"Damn," he mutters to himself.

* * *

**(A/N): Yes, for those who don't know, in the comics, they've made Thor a woman now... and I guess Captain America's black... yeah...**


	3. Volume 3

**Volume 3**

"Alright y'all, we got our next match startin' right here!" Nick Fury announced. The audience started quieting down. "Returning from last night's asswhoopin' is the one and only Tony Stark, a.k.a Iron Man!"

The crowd both laughs and cheers at his return, and the billionaire tries to nod it off the best he can.

"And going up against him is my right-hand man and agent of SHIELD, Hawkeye!"

The crowd roots for Hawkeye more than Stark, as they saw what happened to Stark last night. Hawkeye was wearing his purple shades, nearly expressionless.

"Some shit is about to go down in here! Coulson, drop the beat for us, will ya?" Fury called, to which Coulson did so.

Iron Man does his introduction.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't my pal Clint. You know, getting to know you over the years has been just a weird experience altogether, so don't expect me to hold back anything. There's still a lot of shit I haven't said about you, so...

_Iron Man:_

_Clint, I know that you just wanna stand out_

_But really, bow and arrows - what the f**k's that all about?_

_You playin' wit the big leagues, son - it's hit or miss_

_So you can take yo bird ass to that bitch Katniss!_

_You wear them f**kin' shades like you's the beez-neez_

_When actually you look like that bitch Keanu Reeves_

_I know you part of this team and you've got the next verse_

_Don't even bother tryin' 'cause you the motha***kin' worst!_

Hundreds of "Oh's" and "damns" were heard all throughout the crowd. Iron Man completely dissed his teammate Hawkeye, but Hawkeye wasn't mad just yet.

"That was round 1, everybody!" Fury announced. "Now it's time for round 2! Hawkeye, make yo comeback, my man!"

Hawkeye starts his introduction.

"That's really all you've got, Tony? People say the same shit about me all the time. That was weak. But really, though, let me tell you...

_Hawkeye:_

_Hit or miss? - Bitch you know I f**kin' hit it!_

_I'm a real sport, bitch, and you just motha***kin' Quidditch_

_Think that when you in ya suit you in the f**kin' kill zone_

_Bitch, you take dat shit off you more like f**kin' calzone!_

_I see everything, and you just see Black Widow's ass_

_Think you in the first place, but you really f**kin' last_

_Why they call you playboy - 'cause you still play with toys?_

_Gon' and feed ya Hungry Hippos while I'm makin' all the noise!_

The crowd immediately followed with lots of noise.

"And the winner of this match here is my man, Hawkeye!" Fury announced.

"Oh c'mon!" Iron Man exclaimed.

"You're losing your flame, Tony," said Clint, reminding him of his loss to Captain America last night.

"F**k you," Iron Man replied.

"Now we've got one more match in here tonight," Fury started. "Going up against Hawkeye is my other right-hand 'woman,' the infamous, deadly, and badass Natasha Romanoff, a.k.a. the Black Widow!"

The crowd cheers her on as Black Widow enters the stage dressed in her black catsuit. Clint was not expecting her. Of all people, why her?

"Yo Coulson, drop us the beat again!" Fury called over to him.

The music started, and Black Widow started her introduction.

"Oh, Clint. I'm going to have so much fun doing this. I don't care if we are good friends, because I'm about to destroy you."

Clint felt nervous on the inside.

_Black Widow:_

_You've got the eyes of a hawk, but I am the spider_

_Knock you out wit these lips - sweet like apple cider_

_But I don't kiss birds - I need me a real man_

_I'm as smooth as Skippy, you just f**kin' Peter Pan_

_In Iron Man 2 I sprayed a fool with some mace_

_But up in Avengers I knocked yo ass in the face_

_Had a bad case of cognitive recalibration_

_Fools better start runnin' 'cause I bring them desolation_

The crowd roots for Black Widow. Hawkeye does his best not to be intimidated by this. _You've got this, Clint,_ he told himself.

"Let's move on to round 2 now, everybody!" Fury called. "Hawkeye, show 'em how it's done!"

Hawkeye began his introduction.

"Wow, Natasha. Just wow. We've been through everything together. I mean, we go way back. But, since that's how you really feel about me, then I guess I gotta do the same."

_Hawkeye:_

_Now Nat, you know you talkin' out ya ass_

_Oops, I'm sorry - I think I mentioned that in the last verse?_

_It's not my fault ya ass the size of Jupiter_

_Only orbit you attractin' make you that much stupider_

_Okay but really, I just sound kinda silly_

_Kind of like how you on this team - what's wit dat - really?_

_At least Iron Man had a tank missile_

_You look stupid wit ya tiny motha***kin' pistol!_

The crowd cheers. Black Widow isn't fazed at all.

"Alright, alright, settle y'all asses down!" Fury shouts over the cheering. "As usual, we have decided who the winner is already. And the winner tonight is..."

Hawkeye was expecting to win already, raising his fist in the air holding the mic.

"... Black Widow!" Fury finally announces. Hawkeye's face is full of surprise.

The crowd loses their minds at the announcement.

"What the f**k," Hawkeye mutters to himself.


	4. Volume 4

**Volume 4**

"Okay, everybody, tonight we're doin' somethin' we don't usually do in here," Fury spoke through the mic. "Tonight we gonna change things up a bit. We introducin' some of the baddest villains up in here!"

The audience cheers.

"Now let's start by introducin' them to y'all. Give it up for the God of Mischief, Loki!"

The crowd cheers crazy for Loki. Loki returns his signature mischievous smile, up to no good as usual.

"And also give it up for the badass Venom!"

The crowd cheers as Venom disgustingly oozes onto the stage, morphing into his monstrous figure. Loki found this kind of gross as well.

"Okay, y'all, we 'bout to start this thing!" Fury announced. "Coulson, you know what to do!"

The music started. Loki gave his introduction.

"Now, I'm not exactly sure what you are, but I know that whatever it is, it disgusts me very much. For my own sake, I'll do my best to make this end quickly as possible."

_Loki:_

_This my competition sent out to destroy me?_

_What an insult to this mischief - that's I, Loki_

_I don't have a problem with otherwordly specimens_

_But you look more a 5th grader's failed science experiment _

_I'm Erykah Badu, and you just motha***kin' Nicki_

_Bitches think I'm really cute, you just really f**kin' icky_

_Rather Hulk smash me down on live TV_

_Least I won't have to worry 'bout gettin' HIV_

The crowd roots for Loki. Venom snarls. He grabs the mic from Spider-Man, who puts up his hands in surrender.

"Time for round 2, y'all!" Fury says. "Yo, Venom... do... just do whatever you do, aight?"

Venom snarls at him, to which he backs up. He starts his introduction.

"I don't know that much about you, but after I'm through with this, your ass is mine! You hear!"

Loki yawns.

_Venom:_

_This the one that they call Loki_

_Look like Michael Jackson forget his plastic surgery_

_Tryna' take over the world - man you just be trippin'_

_Help yourself - you look like motha***kin' Alan Rickman!_

_Startin' all dis bullshit because you want the damn throne?_

_Man, get the f**k up outta here and start actin' grown_

_Imma always have my fans 'cause they know that Imma a gangsta_

_Who wants to be a fan of a motha***kin' pranksta!_

The crowd goes insane. Loki doesn't care one bit about this. Like he said, he just wanted this to finish as soon as possible.

"And the winner of this match is my man Venom!"

The crowd loses their minds. Venom had never won a rap battle before. But he figured he'd win since Loki sucks at this kind of stuff anyway.

"Why does it always seem like the second person always wins?" Loki asks himself.

"It's cuz no one likes you, fool!" says Nick Fury to his face.


	5. Volume 5

**Volume 5**

"Okay, okay, we about to begin!" Fury announces. Everyone quieted down and turned their full attention to the stage. "Now tonight the stage belongs to the ladies up in here. That's right. We 'bout to do things differently again. So how 'bout we give it up for the lovely, but deadly, agent of SHIELD Natasha Romanoff, a.k.a. the Black Widow!"

The crowd cheers at the sound of her name alone, and then louder when she comes out on stage.

"Dat ass is ridiculous," Spider-Man mutters to Human Torch next to him in the audience.

"And going up against her is the literally out-of-this-world, intergalactic Gamora!"

The crowd cheers on Gamora as she enters the stage. She was a new addition to this whole thing, but she wasn't about to let that stop her.

"Y'all know how the thing goes," Fury said. "Two rounds per match! One person goes, then the next one. Coulson, hit it for us!"

Coulson drops the beat as usual. Gamora gives her introduction.

"So you're the infamous Black Widow everyone's talking about? Shame, I don't see much to be feared. When this is over, I'm going back to Xandar and complaining to Quill for wasting my time with this.

"Now check it...

_Gamora:_

_I'm come from outer space, bitch - you really ain't that special_

_Gettin' busy on Earth - I'm on a whole 'nother level_

_Havin' you on the screen is a motha***kin' tragedy_

_The Avengers? - Motha***kin' Guardians of the Galaxy!_

_Think you like Ms. Marvel? - More like Howard the Duck!_

_You call that red hair dye? - More like orange throw up!_

_Thought you was fresh outta Russia but you sound American_

_You just a fake ass bitch, and I'm Guardian of the Time Gem!_

The crowd cheers for Gamora, already liking her since it was her first time doing this. Black Widow had to admit, she did well. But she had something in store.

"Round 2, everybody!" Fury announced. "Natasha, you up, girl!"

Black Widow gave her introduction.

"You know, do I really have to give an introduction? I'd rather just get tell her how it is like the lyrical genius I am. You know what, I'll stop wasting time and just start... like right now."

_Black Widow:_

_Gamora was a pretty name until I saw ya f**kin' face_

_Guardian? - somebody need to put yo ass in ya place_

_Orange throw up? - Bitch at least that I'm without any pulp_

_Thought we was gettin' Zaldana, not the f**kin' She-Hulk!_

_You say you real? - Half the population don't believe in you_

_Zoe turned her ass green? - Stick wit motha***kin' blue!_

_Oops I used ya real name, but I really don't care_

_I'm a supermodel, bitch - you more like Hulk's underwear!_

The crowd cheers for Black Widow.

"And the winner is once again, the undefeated Black Widow!" Fury announces.

This is followed by thunderous applause. Gamora is pissed.

"What?!" she yells.

She takes her knife and stabs Fury in his arm, to which he screams in pain, and she walks off the stage, steaming with anger. Everyone is silent for a brief moment, and then continues to applaud.


End file.
